Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Sheet Music & Strong Bonds
It's pouring rain right now in Southwest Missouri and cloudy. How many of you feel like your marriage is like our current weather? Is life pouring problems on you and the forecast looks dreary? Well, take heart and read on. I want to share some wonderful information on two different topics: the book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman and the marriage weekend Strong Bonds. SHEET MUSIC REVIEW: The first several chapters of this book lay the groundwork for a fulfilling sex life within marriage. It begins in chapter 1 comparing two different couples: Couple 1 where the husband was always looking for the one magic thing that drove his wife crazy and he'd repeat that every time they were intimate thinking "well, it worked once." Women like variety and aren't always in the same mood each day-- so switch it up and do things differently. When this husband took this new mindset back the the bedroom their intimate moments changed dramatically. Now, sex permeates nearly everything they do. This carries over to making a man feel better about himself, gets him through tough days on the job and can give a sense of security to the family. The second couple has challenges as well, they had sex before getting married and now it seems that it is an after-thought. When the husband has a bad day and wishes to reconnect with his wife, she gets upset because it is so late in the day to get a babysitter. Really her kids take up so much of her time and energy that she is glad her husband doesn't pressure her for intimacy. She doesn't know he is into porn and pleasuring himself. The children don't see an affectionate couple, but one with tension instead. Bottom line: sex is one of the most important components of a marriage. Direct quote from the book, "One of the most loving and holy things you can do in marriage is to provide a sexually fulfilling pursuit of your husband or wife." Get a copy and read to find out more about why sex is so important in a marriage. Understanding the WHY is key to moving forward and having a new outlook on the subject! STRONG BONDS: What does a great marriage look like? Take a look at the BIG picture of marriage, not all the little details. The weekend was planned to create a paradigm shift-- a radical change in the way we think about marriage. Also, to give us tools to put into practice for this shift in thinking to take place. It was about having an unselfish or sacrificial love for your spouse... like in the movies Titanic, Princess Bride, The Notebook, The Vow and others. The weekend taught how to communicate by using speaking/listening techniques. How it is important to have fun with one another and risk factors to be aware of. One specific point was there are dynamic and static risk factors in our lives. Dynamic are the factors we can learn to change and Static are the factors that are not likely to change. So instead of trying to change your spouse (personality, background, etc) then focus on the dynamic factors that you can change. So instead focus on how you react to factors.